Love Languages in Children

What are love languages?

Love languages are the ways in which people best feel loved. Typical love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service. Most of us have specific ways we feel loved in every love language, but for most of us, some of these love languages are more prominent than others.

Love languages are crucial to understand in all relationships. You may even see your The Little Gym instructors using them to encourage your kiddos and cheer them on!

Let’s look at what these love languages mean and what they may look like in children!

Love Languages	What It Means	What it Looks Like in Children
Physical touch	Someone best feels loved through physical affection with their loved ones. Examples include loving to cuddle, hug, high-five, kiss, etc.	Your kiddo tackles you and grabs on to you as soon as you walk through the door Your child insists on sitting right next to you or on top of you when you are together Your child loves high-fives and hugs when they are feeling down or when they are proud of something they have accomplished
Words of affirmation	Someone best feels loved when their accomplishments are acknowledged, or when you compliment them	Your child likes to hear that you are proud of them, for both big and not-so-big accomplishments Your child compliments you all of the time, we often give love the way we want to receive love Your child LOVES to talk your ear off and tell you all about their day
Quality time	Someone best feels loved when they get to spend one-on-one time with the person they care about, especially when that time is without distraction	Your child wants to go on mommy or daddy dates Your child loves going on walks with you Your child wants to be wherever you are Your child wants you to watch everything they do You child loves one-on-one play time
Receiving gifts	Someone feels the most loved when they receive gifts or presents	Your child loves anything you bring home for them, whether it is a toy, a treat, or even a flower from outside Your child often brings you gifts, like pictures they drew, or something they found while exploring
Acts of Service	Someone feels the most loved when someone goes out of the way to help them or do something for them	Your child asks you to do tasks for them that they could do by themselves, like putting on their shoes, or fluffing their pillow at bed

How Do I Know What My Child’s Love Language Is?

Analyzing how your child shows you love is one of the easiest ways to learn how your child wants to receive love. Remember that every behavior in children is a way of communicating a need. Once you can recognize what your child’s love language is, you can help give them the language to communicate those needs. Try having a chat with your kiddo in their language to help them understand what their love language seems to be. Tell them that they can communicate with you when they need their love language to be met. This is a great way to help teach your kiddo to advocate for their needs! Remember, if your little one is too young to communicate verbally, try our different ways to show your affection. You can then see what types of responses they give and you can notice which type of affection receives the strongest response!

I Know My Child’s Love Language, Now What?

Remember that in every way we feel most loved, there may be ways that make us feel unloved.

For instance, for our quality time kiddos, it is essential that the quality time you spend together is uninterrupted. If you and your child are drawing together, try to avoid being on your phone or watching a show. According to Dr. Chapman, Ph.D., if your child best feels loved through physical touch, things like spanking or a slap “are devastating to one whose primary love language is touch”. If your child’s primary love language is words of affirmation, it is essential that your language communicates that love is not conditional. For instance, using phrases like “I love you, but” may communicate that your love is conditional on your child’s behavior.

Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids

Loving your child in their love language, and being aware of their love language when disciplining, helps to build an incredible bond with your child, and demonstrates to them how to love others better! In return, loving your child in their love language helps to raise emotionally intelligent and loving Citizen Kids!

Sources

Chapman, Gary D., and Ross Campbell. The 5 Love Languages of Children. Northfield Pub., 2012.

Cornwall, Gail. “The 5 Love Languages of Children.” Parents, Parents, 10 Mar. 2020, https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/love-languages-of-children/.