We have all had it…the child who is afraid to leave moms side…the one that won’t peel away from the wall.  It makes us question.  Is this fear normal?  What can we do about it?

According to the article “Is It ‘Normal’ for Children to Be Afraid?” by Karen M. Carlson, M.Ed., fear is a normal emotion.  “It’s nature’s way of alerting us to react to danger, and helps protect us from threatening situations.”  A child experiences many fears because his world is always expanding and changing.  Children spend much time learning to cope with the unfamiliar and it is difficult for them to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

Studies show that young toddlers fear things such as loud noises and strangers.  However, as they age those things become less fearful and the imagination takes over.  Children between the ages of 3 and 6 fear things such as death, the dark, ridicule, robbers, and “monsters.”

The following are things that Carlson suggests can be done to help kids work through their fears:

• Don’t Laugh at Children’s Fears.  It will not diminish the fear…only the child’s confidence.
• Don’t Ignore Children’s Fears.  This may make them feel like they have to deal with it all alone.  Give the child reassurance.
• Don’t Force Children in Situations They Fear.  Shock method rarely works.  Give him or her time to adjust to the fearful situation.
• Don’t Lie to Children About Their Fears.  Truthfulness can help children manage their fear.
• Don’t Transmit Personal Fears to Children.  A child will readily adopt the fears of those around them.
• Accept Children’s Fears as Real.  Acknowledging the fear lets children know that it is OK to have and to express fear.
• Help Children Broaden the Range of Their Coping Skills.  If children feel they have some control over the ways they react, they gain feelings of competence and self-confidence.
• Let Children See Other People Interact Confidently with the Situations They Fear. 
• Adjust Your Expectations to Fit the Child’s Age.  If you have appropriate developmental expectations a child, some of the fears will be avoided all together.

Source: Dr. Donald Carlson PhD, Frederick MD